End of the Innocence
by iGoToExtremes
Summary: TJ and Doug are 15, and growing apart. But they share one last experience on Grandpa Hammond's farm. Sort of. (Previously posted on AO3.)
AN: So. I'm a super huge weirdo who watched all of Political Animals as fast as I could, and still can't get over the revelation (in episode 6) that Doug and TJ both had sex with TJ's tutor when they were 15. The result is this angst-fest featuring a lot of internal ramblings and a few timely references to 1997. Title is from the Don Henley song because it turns out I'm also a sap.

Errors are all mine, no infringement intended, etc. Hope you enjoy.

* * *

"See ya later, Doug," Mallory called over her shoulder as she sauntered down the porch steps. "As much as I enjoy it when you cover for him, tell TJ he better be here on Thursday."

"Mmhmm," he answered with a nod from the doorway. "I'll make sure he is." Embarrassingly, his voice cracked on the last word. Mallory smirked and waved, heading to her car.

He wasn't sure if he was flustered because he just lost his virginity, or because he lost it to his brother's tutor while TJ was off... doing whatever brooding loners did on backwoods farms during the summer.

Doug and TJ had free reign of their grandfather's expansive property for most of the day. For a man of his age Grandpa Hammond kept surprisingly busy, shuttling into town each morning to deal with matters of local political import or visit with friends. No longer able to handle any physical labor, he employed a farm caretaker and two assistants, as well as a part-time housekeeper. Other than keeping up with a few asscrack-of-dawn chores (which their father insisted would build character), Grandpa's only rule was that the boys show up for dinner at 6 every night during their visit.

Doug had come to enjoy the routine. There was something serene about being up early, even if it was to bail hay or clean out the horse stalls. Then they'd go for a walk in the woods, sometimes followed by a dip in the creek, all with their suit-clad secret service detail standing guard nearby. After lunch it was usually too hot to do anything besides sit in the shade with their iPods and summer homework assignments. Doug would be taking three Advanced Placement classes in the fall, the maximum possible for a sophomore at the famous Sidwell Friends Academy.

Meanwhile, TJ was starting at a boarding school in New York's Hudson Valley in September. Their parents had decided he might do better - e.g., actually do his homework and not act out in class - if he was away from DC. Doug tried not to press him about it; they both apparently had some issues to work out from growing up in the White House. Doug coped by applying himself, buckling down on schoolwork and extracurricular activities. TJ basically did the opposite, which no one could argue was unexpected. Doug once overheard their parents talking about how he had been the straight-and-narrow twin from a young age while TJ was naturally rebellious.

Mallory, an 18-year-old Harvard student also staying with her grandparents, was supposed to help him review the freshman year subjects he'd need to repeat at his new school. Both boys were expecting TJ's math-and-science tutor to be some uptight glasses-wearing dude, not a pretty girl with sparkly green eyes and wavy blonde hair. At the start of the summer the twice-weekly sessions seemed to be going well, but this was the third one he'd missed in two weeks.

The first time, Mallory and Doug chatted politely for a few minutes before she excused herself to run some errands in town.

The second time, she saw that Doug was reading from his psychology textbook and they spent an hour talking about some of the basic theories. It turned out she had also taken AP Psych in high school, spawning her goal of becoming a neuropsychologist.

This afternoon, she again showed up with TJ nowhere to be found and sat down next to Doug on the porch swing. Having gotten to know her a little better, he felt less guilty noticing the short denim shorts and skimpy tank top sticking to her tan skin. Feeling the end of summer creeping up on him, he summoned the courage to act on his arousal, leaning over to kiss her during a break in conversation. When that quickly escalated into a heated makeout he quietly led her inside and upstairs to one of the bedrooms.

Still in a daze from the experience, Doug collapsed into the porch swing. The late-afternoon sun glinted off the creek through the trees in the mid-August haze, only adding to the entirely cliche nature of his day. He closed his eyes and exhaled with a sheepish chuckle.

"What's so funny?"

Startled by his brother's sudden appearance he quickly sat up. "Uh, nothing," he answered. Catching sight of his laptop on the wicker coffee table, he quickly added, "Just a stupid forwarded email Todd sent this morning."

TJ grunted, joining Doug on the swing.

"You've been disappearing a lot lately," Doug offered, trying to keep his voice free of judgment. "Missed Mallory again."

"Yeah... I guess I'm lucky she's cool."

Doug paused, fearful of giving himself away. "Surprising, for a girl so hot."

"Totally," TJ agreed, despite still seeming uneasy as he gazed at the creek.

Even as they sat next to each other, Doug felt a weird distance from his brother that he didn't like. They'd always been different - him the serious, studious one and TJ more creative and personable. Doug had to work hard at making conversation with new people while TJ instantly endeared himself to everyone he met and never had trouble talking to anyone.

But regardless of their dissimilar personalities, the boys had always understood each other. They'd been close out of necessity, trying to survive their father's everyday bluster as well as his high-profile jobs. Summers at their grandparents' farm were a break from the spotlight of the White House, but they'd always spent every waking moment together anyway. This year, though, there had been a handful of hikes that Doug went on alone while TJ opted to hang back at the house. A few other times Doug watched from the dining room window, his school books spread out on the table, as TJ snuck off by himself to the barn or the creek. Doug wished they could talk about it - whatever was bothering TJ so much; changing him - but wasn't quite sure how to broach the subject. How do you tell someone who you've previously shared everything with that you feel like you're on the verge of not knowing him anymore?

 _You don't_ , he thought, feeling less guilty about keeping sex with Mallory a secret.

The creaking of the screen door and the voice of Roberta, Grandpa's housekeeper, interrupted the silence between them. "Time to wash up, boys."

At her instruction they rose from the swing and headed for the door. When TJ wound up a step ahead of him, Doug gave him a firm pat on the shoulder. He hoped it would convey the support and camaraderie he was unable to provide verbally.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Two days later, TJ lay on the porch swing, nose buried in his copy of The Outsiders. The book wasn't assigned reading for his upcoming classes; rather it had been part of a prior school year's curriculum that he'd handily ignored. Once he learned more about the plot, though, he became interested in reading it. And once he started reading it, he became entirely engrossed. He identified with the hardscrabble kids and felt like it was the life he'd be suited for if he wasn't stuck in his ridiculous family. The well-off kids represented the Washington elite and everything he hated about the people he was forced to deal with.

The only thing he disliked about the book was that the author was only 15 when she wrote it. TJ was 15 and the son of the president and he couldn't imagine doing shit with himself, ever. Fantastic.

He was trying to be optimistic about the upcoming school year. Getting out of DC would be good. The last two schools in Washington certainly hadn't worked out. They were so stuffy with their uniforms and rules and the people were so fake and insanely pretentious. Going to a school several states away could put a target on his back as the only ~famous kid, but it would mean being away from the White House and all the attention that had been bugging the crap out of him the last year or so. Maybe then he could relax and focus and figure out how to make something of his life.

"I'm used to finding your brother here."

He put the book down, looking up to find Mallory coming up the porch steps.

TJ sat up, holding his book in one hand and smoothing the back of his hair with the other. "He was being weird this morning. Decided to go into town with Grandpa. He said hey, though."

"Cool." An odd smile played at Mallory's lips, making TJ wonder what exactly had gone on when he'd skipped out on his last tutoring appointment. In addition to being smart and motivated, Doug had the girl department figured out as well. _Great_ , he thought with a grimace.

"You okay?" Mallory asked.

TJ sighed, tossing the book on the table next to them. "Just thinking about what a complete fuck-up I am." Mallory's eyes went wide at the bold statement, but that didn't stop him from continuing. "You're the psychology lady. Why do you think I turned out the way I did when I'm stuck in this family of overachievers? Is there any hope for me making my parents happy?"

Mallory laughed. "I've taken exactly three psych classes, which hardly makes me qualified to diagnose you with anything. Or predict the future." She bit her lip. "But I'll tell you what I think if you share some of that weed."

He froze, thinking quickly. "Weed? What weed?"

"Please, I have two older brothers. The smell of pot mixed with cologne reminds me of home." She laughed. "Besides, you don't need to worry about me ratting you out. This is our last session for the summer. We can review some concepts just to be safe, but at this point it might be equally valuable if I give you advice about life and shit.

"And that last part goes well with smoking pot?"

She snickered. "That's the first thing you learn in college."

xxxxxxxxxx

After making sure that none of his grandfather's employees saw them, TJ showed his tutor to one of his hideout spots. It was a run-down shed where Grandpa Hammond stored old stuff that he didn't use anymore, located past a thicket at the western edge of the property. Its contents were mostly farm equipment, but also some old furniture and random broken electronics. The roof was practically gone, and everything inside was already musty-smelling, which made it an ideal place for smoking.

"Cozy," Mallory commented, glancing behind her as they ducked inside. "The Men in Black don't need to come along?"

"Nah," he answered. "The deal is that when we're out on the property they just 'maintain a perimeter.' I guess it's government-speak for 'give the poor kids a little space.'"

They sat on an old wicker sofa, its cushion torn and flattened, quickly dispensing with some trigonometry and chemistry review. Once they lit up the joint, Mallory offered some general advice about boarding school, and his new school in particular.

"I don't know anyone who went there, but from what everyone's heard it's pretty low-key. The students are chill and accepting of various kinds of people... but that makes it the kinda place where everyone has their own unique talent."

"Great; mine is 'being the screwed-up son of the president,'" he said dryly.

Mallory rolled her eyes, puffing from the hastily rolled cigarette. She blew out some smoke, then passed it to him. "What about the piano? I've been told you're really good."

TJ shrugged, taking a drag. "I'm all right."

"The way people talk, you should be going to school for that and nothing else."

"Maybe." He sighed. "I overheard my parents talking about it one night. My mom found a performing arts school near Boston. Or had someone in her office do research or whatever."

His tutor squinted. "Lemme guess - she lobbied hard for it but your dad said no?"

"Something like that. 'I know he loves music, Sugar, but pursuing that shouldn't come at the expense of a proper education,'" he said, imitating his father's heavy Southern accent. "'Other kids don't have trouble learning math and history!'"

Mallory dissolved into giggles at the impersonation, which made TJ laugh as well.

"You know that by 'other kids' he meant Doug, right?" he continued, shaking his head. "I'm sure even with your basic psych classes you could have a field day there."

"Mmm," the college student offered, squinting. "Doug tries really hard in school and gets good grades because he wants your father's approval, but your father won't come right out and say he approves because he doesn't think that should be the motivation for success." She flicked some ash off the joint before handing it back. "Your mother, on the other hand, lavishes praise on Doug because she feels guilty that your dad won't, and because of the fishbowl you guys had to grow up in."

TJ was in the middle of a drag when she said the last part, its accuracy startling him into a coughing fit.

"Did I nail it, or what?" she asked, playfully bumping his shoulder with hers.

"Yeah, you nailed it," he admitted, passing the weed back to her. "So what does that mean for the future?"

"I don't have a crystal ball, but it won't surprise me if your brother goes into politics as a career because he thinks he's 'supposed' to," she explained. "He'll plug along, seemingly successful but unfulfilled because he's never really made a decision for himself. You'll be there to make sure he has fun every once in a while, but it won't be enough. One day he may just, like, crack under the pressure," she concluded glumly.

"And what about me?" he asked. "Other than occasionally removing the stick from my brother's ass, that is?"

"You're different," she assessed, nodding a little. "You feel like no one believes in you, so you've learned to believe in yourself. When you find motivation, you're unstoppable, but if you don't feel confident the bottom drops out. You've found your passion, but the highs and lows make it hard for you to focus on any one thing even if you love it."

"Yeah, and also my father would probably die of embarrassment if I spent my career as a struggling musician. Besides, playing piano is mostly an escape from the world. You know... 'When music hits you, you feel no pain.'"

"Marley? Really?" she snickered. "Could you be any more cliché?"

TJ shrugged, smiling. "He's not wrong."

They both chuckled. TJ closed his eyes, enjoying the haze that was washing over his mind.

"I think I might be gay." He didn't really mean to say that aloud, but once the words were out he felt a lightness he didn't expect (though that also could have just been the pot).

Mallory giggled playfully, then shifted from her spot next to him. "I can think of one way to test that theory," she offered as she climbed onto his lap.

TJ's mouth fell open at the sudden turn of events. Mallory searched his eyes with her own before leaning forward to press her lips against his. After a second he returned the kiss, his fingers threading into her long hiar.

"Are you sure you're okay with that? Being my guinea pig?" When she hesitated, he went on. "I mean, I'm okay being sloppy seconds to my brother, so…"

She blushed, lowering her head. "He told you? Or were we just that obvious?"

"He didn't say anything," TJ quickly assured her, not wanting to get Doug in trouble. "And I may be stupid, but I—"

"Hey!" she interrupted, poking him in the chest. "You are not stupid."

Their eyes fixed on one another's as her statement hung in the air. He wasn't sure what he appreciated more – the offer for sex or the emphatic rejection of his idiocy.

Either way, kissing her hungrily seemed the appropriate response. For starters.

xxxxxxxxx

Later that night, after her grandparents were asleep, Mallory tiptoed into their home office and turned on the computer. For older folks they were pretty current with technology, in the form of a dedicated phone line for internet and fax. During the day her granddad used them for his part-time law practice, but she was allowed to go online once business hours were over. A few weeks into her stay, she'd realized that going on after they were both asleep

She tapped her foot impatiently as AOL opened and the modem noisily established a connection. Once she was online her buddy list appeared, and a split-second later she got a message from her roommate Meghan.

 **Megz4678 (10:05 PM):** _ **so? mission accomplished?**_

Meghan had flipped a total shit when Mallory mentioned that she'd be tutoring TJ over the summer. Lots of girls were infatuated with the president's sons, but Mallory didn't think that this extended to 19-year-old sophomores at America's most prestigious university. Mal herself had always been solidly unimpressed by the hype since she'd been around the Hammonds before, what with her grandparents living in the same community as President Hammond's parents.

Meg had originally suggested kissing TJ as a half-serious goal for the summer. When he started ditching their meetings, Mal joked during an AOL chat that maybe Doug was a better target.

That was ten days ago. And a lot had happened since.

 **Megz4678 (10:07 PM):** did you even get to try?

Mallory was fairly surprised that Doug initiated, and even more so that he was a really good kisser. Mallory didn't expect to do anything more than that, but one thing led to another and... well. She could tell it was his first time, but it went a lot better than _her_ first time. They went slow, every action a deliberate and cautious step. It was the sexual equivalent of a guy who smiles and holds open a door for a woman he doesn't know.

TJ, on the other hand, had definitely done... _things_ before. She started things between them but he moved them along fast, far more concerned with both of them feeling good than with being polite. She never asked whether the experience resolved the uncertainty about his sexuality; at any rate, it was clear that he liked sex. This made sense based on his recent well-publicized wild streak, but their conversation revealed that he was also sweet in his own way - a soft heart underneath the brash and aloof exterior.

 **Megz4678 (10:09 PM)** : seriously. i need details if i'm going 2 live. !

Mallory sighed. She definitely wanted to brag about her exploits. But she didn't necessarily want a written record of said exploits floating around online. Meghan had become a close friend, but Mallory didn't want to take the chance that she'd copy and paste their conversation onto a message board frequented by weirdos with an unhealthy interest in the Hammond twins.

Moreover, being around the boys had given Mallory insight into how unnecessarily difficult their lives were, through no fault of their own. She didn't want to be the source of any additional stress for either of them, or get caught up in gossip herself if the information were to fall into the wrong hands.

In short, discretion was much more important than her friend's desire to live vicariously through her experience.

Reluctantly, Mallory typed her reply.

 **MalGal1979 (10:10 PM)** : too long a story for now. will tell u when we're back at school.

She'd be in for it when she returned to campus in a few weeks. But at least she'd preserve her dignity - and the privacy of two really good kids who needed it.

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Reviews are love!


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